From Kinship to Adoption: The Pistorius Family’s Unexpected Journey

From Kinship to Adoption: The Pistorius Family’s Unexpected Journey

May is National Foster Care Month. This is the first article in a three-part series about this topic.

One might say it all came down to the minivan. Those two empty seats convinced Kinsey and David Pistorius of Frisco, Texas to make a quick decision one October day in 2018—a decision which led to adding two young children to their family through foster care and ultimately, adoption in September 2020.

In truth, commitments like this are not often made lightly, and prior experiences and family ties prepared the Pistorius family for the sudden arrival of Adilynn and Wyatt, who were four and two at the time. “We weren’t seeking to add more children to our family,” says Kinsey. But the day she got a call from her mom explaining that a cousin needed a place for her two children to live, she reflects, “We definitely felt that we were capable of having them come live with us and share our house and our family with them.”

Kinsey and David gathered with their four biological children, who indicated they were on board to share their rooms, closets, friends, and even their parents with two cousins who needed to stay for a while. After the family went through an expedited process and home study with the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services (DFPS) to qualify as foster parents, Adi and Wyatt joined the family in what is called a kinship placement.

Kinsey explains that her choice of career is one reason she felt comfortable taking on a new role as a foster mom: “My first job as a therapist was working with sexually abused children and their families. So, I had worked with CPS caseworkers and foster parents and testified twice in court. This was valuable experience when it came to kinship placement.”

Family rhythms changed over the months that followed as Kinsey and David ensured that their two foster children had weekly visits with their mother and father, brought them current on all their medical care, and attended court hearings. The Pistoriuses also communicated frequently with the guardian ad litem, the attorney appointed to gather information on the children’s best interests in a custody or foster placement case.

As in any foster care situation, Kinsey and David were never sure how long their placement would last while Adi and Wyatt’s parents worked on court-appointed benchmarks in an effort for reunification. During this period the family felt sustained support from others, such as their CASA volunteer (a Court-Appointed Special Advocate assigned to the case to look out for the best interests of the children) and their congregation of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

“Our CASA volunteer was phenomenal,” explains Kinsey. “She was so great at letting us know what to predict and what they may ask us or if we would be testifying in court. The kids adored her. She would visit them at school, [and] she would come over and play with my other kids and would involve them. She made sure that they felt important and special…. It meant a lot to our family.”

Kinsey adds, “Our church family really took the kids in. Their [Sunday School] teachers loved on them.” They often shared with Kinsey and David how they observed the children feeling more comfortable and happier as the weeks went by.

About eight months into the children’s foster care placement with the Pistoriuses, CPS made another home visit to the children’s parents, where they discovered evidence that the children would need permanent placement elsewhere. They offered the idea of adoption in a phone call to Kinsey. 

“When David got home from work,” says Kinsey, “I pulled him aside privately and said, ‘Hey, things have changed; are we willing to do what we’ve thought about doing?’” 

His response was, “The Lord has blessed us with so much. How do we not give to these two little kids who have been part of our family for so long, and they fit right in? Our kids love them; we love them.” 

Kinsey concludes of that special moment, “It was immediate. We just knew that we would say yes.” But they also took the important step of consulting with their four biological children again, “Because truly it’s everyone’s vote, and I think that’s really important: to make sure that the kids validate that they want to do this too, that they support the sacrifices that the whole family must make in order to grow and expand and knowing that they’re going to give up a little bit.”

The Pistorius family returned to court on the anniversary of the children’s removal from their original home, and Adi and Wyatt’s biological parents chose to forfeit their parental rights so that adoption could proceed. Kinsey explains, “They knew that we were willing to adopt the kids at that point and were grateful that they were going to family members so they would always know where they were and be able to see them as well.”

Complications of the COVID-19 pandemic slowed the adoption process somewhat, but the Pistorius party of six officially became a party of eight nearly a year later, in September 2020.

Kinsey shares that choosing to become foster parents and then adoptive parents can be a bittersweet experience. “I think we worry that…the kids don’t understand the full picture. [They] are also grieving the loss of their original home, being able to live with their mom and dad. And as they grieve that, we’re celebrating their adoption. We’re celebrating their becoming a part of our family. But also [there is an] understanding that they have lost something, too, and that eventually, they’ll understand why they had to lose that to gain so much more.” She feels joy comes from having faith in that process.

Every adoption or family situation is different, but the Pistoriuses are choosing to maintain the relationship between the children and their birth parents. Wyatt likes to call them his “other mom and dad,” language that Kinsey says is important to value as their choice.

“Usually what we do is invite them when the kids have a soccer game or when they have a dance recital,” she explains. “Because we want [the children] to feel loved and supported by all the people who love them; and their parents love them. They just couldn’t provide that safe family environment for them, but it doesn’t mean they don’t have love for them. They get hugs and affection, and [the kids] can say, ‘Look at all these people who love and support me.’ As long as the contact with their family is positive and it makes them happy and feel that love, we will support it.”

David and Kinsey Pistorius hope that all foster children can have a loving family to help them thrive. They urge others considering foster parenting or adoption to have good support from family and friends “who love you no matter what and won’t judge the decision that you are making—because a lot of people want the beautiful ending, but I think you have to really understand if you are able to provide that, if that is truly right for you and your family and for the [foster children] as well.”

Kinsey has a photograph that she cherishes—one of herself holding a newborn baby in a hospital room. She is seated by her cousin, Adi’s mother, and the baby is Adi herself. She tells Adi, “Look, I knew you. I knew you when you came into this world, and I didn’t know you would be part of our family. But Heavenly Father knew, and I was there for that.” Adi cherishes that photo too.

A video interview is available HERE.

Read Part Two HERE.

---

Kara Schofield lives with her husband, nearly grown youngest, and the family doodle in the Prosper Texas Stake of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She can often be found at one keyboard or another: writing, documenting personal and family history, accompanying school choirs, and learning how to play jazz music. Her greatest joys are her four children and their spouses, a sizable extended family, pies, mountains, and Jesus Christ.